Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
