wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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