i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
