I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
