You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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