You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
