I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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