ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
