Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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