remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
