If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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