No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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