Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
