I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize