btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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