ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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