Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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