Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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