You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
