I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize