After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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