I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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