I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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