i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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