So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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