I've blown a few things in my day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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