At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
