I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
