I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
