susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
