It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then my night got REAL pukey
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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