RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
