I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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