The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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