I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
