i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
