my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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