shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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