i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
