hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
