I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
