Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
