I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
