you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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