dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
