I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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