Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
