I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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