I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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