Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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