How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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