Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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