alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize