doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
