So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize