Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
