Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
