That's intense
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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