He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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