If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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