So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
