Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
