I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
