so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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