Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
