Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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