My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
