Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
