At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
