Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
